Heart of Ice
by loveholixx
Summary: Set in modern times. Kaoru has been left with deep emotional scars, heart frozen in the past, left by Kenshin who no longer loves her anymore. Will Kaoru be able to overcome her broken heart and find healing for herself...? Loveholixx Note: Unsure where I want the plot to go, so I ask readers to bear with me while I figure things out. Thank you!
1. Prologue

Heart of Ice

Written By: Loveholixx

Standard Disclaimer Applies.

**Prologue**

There was nothing left to say….

No more emotions left to feel.

I could feel myself growing colder with each second as the meaning of his words sank in.

" _I don't love you anymore."_

I could not will myself to cry as I felt my heart shatter within me, hardening against this man, this reality.

I sighed. _Again, it ends like this,_ I thought to myself.

I silently stood from my chair, smiling sadly at him. "Goodbye, then."

I made my way to my car, and slammed the door shut. All the strength I had left me, and I felt my head falling to the steering wheel as I felt a sob leave my throat. _I don't love you anymore, I don't love you anymore, I don't love you anymore…._ his voice, the final twist of his cruelty raced through my mind.

"I don't love him anymore, I don't love him anymore, I don't love him anymore…." I muttered to myself in between my sobs, shaking my head vehemently.

When I finally gathered my composure, I could feel myself longing for him, hoping against all hopes that he would be standing there having followed me out.

I chuckled to myself sardonically, laughing at my foolish hopes. "I can't do this anymore," I told myself. I wiped my tears from my face, and took a breath.

Then, I started the car. And I drove away from most toxic relationship I had every known, feeling the resolution grow: Never again will I let myself fall in love.


	2. Chapter One

**Heart of Ice.**

Written by: Loveholixx

 _Standard Disclaimer Applies. This is a fictional story written by Loveholixx using characters from Rurouni Kenshin, created by Nobuhiro Watsuki._

 **Chapter One.**

How do you let go of someone after having loved so passionately, so effortlessly? For the first time in my life, I have loved and lost the one person has who made me want to lose myself in him. I close my eyes even now and reminisce of his scent, the way he would call my name as he climaxed, the gentle caress across my body. Still, I am drunk on his sweet words of love.

"Kaoru," a gentle voice jars me out of my reverie.

I open my eyes, into eyes that look quizzically at me. The eyes that look at me with love, but eyes that do not stir the same passion within me.

In front of me is not the person I imagine, the one I dream about each night.

I paste a smile on face—the mask in place once again. "Hmm…?" I reply, inserting just enough of warmth in my tone.

"Kaoru, are you okay?" Sanosuke asked.

"I'm sorry, my mind is a thousand miles away today" I reply.

 _I'm okay. I am okay_ , I reassure myself.

"So, as I was saying…" I hear Sanosuke continue as I let my thoughts drift off once again. I sat in silence, nodding along with the familiar empty smile pasted on my face, not quite listening.

Sanosuke _is a good man,_ I think to myself as I take in his sharp features that soften when he looks at me. He had saved me on a cold night two months ago; it had been Halloween weekend and I had been on the brink of grief and madness.

I thought back to the night I met Sanosuke Sagara….

My friends had decided that going out would be good for me after I had spent a month alone, hiding in complete isolation outside of school and work. I had spent the month in automatic mode, going through the motions of work, school, home, work, school, home, and repeat.

Little did they know that dragging me out would lead me to my breaking point.

At least, in my mind, I thought that if I droned on through the motion of daily life, I was safe, and I didn't need to feel. I could find solace in the strange waves of emptiness that sat in the pit of my stomach day in, day out.

On that freezing Halloween night, one by one, my two girlfriends bought me shot after shot, and the shots of whiskey burned its way down my throat. Tears sprang to my eyes with each shot as the liquor burned my throat, making its way to the pit of my stomach, and sitting snuggly in warm welcome.

In my drunken haze, I laughed and laughed in nonsensical hilarity. After the month, the sound of my laughter was maniacal, and even I did not recognize the sound bursting out of me.

The night continued, and everything had blurred into a near oblivion. Then, thinking back now, I recall a brief momentary glimpse of sharp awareness of sharp poignant pain, and having one thought, " _I wanna let go"_ and I could feel the onslaught of tears from the very core of my being.

I needed to go.

Despite losing myself to the music that blared in the bar, someone must have heard my tortured moans and near-silent screams; as I turned in desperation to leave, to end it all, I felt a hand reach out to hold me upright.

"Hey, you okay?"

I looked up and stared into a pair of intense brown eyes. I stumbled backwards, trying to catch my balance.

"Whoareyou?" I asked, drunkenly stumbling over the words.

He must have thought I was funny. He smiled in amusement, and simply stated, "Sanosuke."

I couldn't stay upright on my own feet as I swayed back and forth, and I flung my arms around this new stranger.

"Dance," I demanded into his ear. Without waiting for a response, I lost myself to the music, feeling his touch on my body, and I closed my eyes and dreamed the touch of another man.

Sometime during the long night, I remembered that my relationship had ended, and the man I was dancing with was not the man I had lost.

Then, sometime during the long night, in a moment of clarity, I had drawn a piece of broken glass across my left forearm.

And as I stood in a daze while blood seeped from the wound, it had been Sanosuke who had taken immediate action, whipping off his pristine white dress shirt to hold it against the cut in attempts to stop the bleeding.

I watched with detached interest until tired, I laid my head on Sanosuke's shoulder with a sigh of release. I could feel the pain leave my body….

A gentle touch caressed my face, and I jumped back into reality, focusing into a pair of brown, warm eyes.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry," I apologized.

Sanosuke took my hands into his, gently bringing them to his lips and kissing them gently. He slowly moved his lips towards the still-angry red line across my arm, stopping just before his lips grazed the wound still in its healing process.

"You haven't heard a thing I've said all day, have you, missy?" he asked gruffly, "I'm starting to worry about you."

I shook my head and replied, "I'm okay" and smiled at him. I know he worries, and despite the emptiness I feel towards him, I promised myself I wouldn't hurt him with callous disinterest.

I took one hand out of his and reached out to smooth down part of his bedhead.

"Hmm…" he murmured, as he leaned into my hand, closing his eyes.

I smiled, enjoying the moment. "You like it when I do this," I stated quietly.

One corner of his mouth lifted ever so slightly. "I do. You have such a gently touch that melts my worries away, Kaoru," he said quietly.

I stared at him a little sadly, as I continued to gently run my hand through his hair.

 _I am so sorry, Sanosuke…_

Then, another intrusive thought came into mind. _I wish I could have fallen in love with you…._

I felt my hand stop, mid-touch.

Sanosuke opened his eyes, and seeing the alarmed expression on my face, immediately grew alert.

"What's wrong, Kaoru?"

I shook my head, disturbed by the thoughts running through my mind.

"I guess I'm a little tired today," I replied instead, shoving the thoughts of love and relationships out of my mind. I would not succumb to such self-destructive thoughts again.

Sanosuke motioned for us to get up and moved towards the door, and I absently allowed myself to be guided out the door.

"We can resume our date next weekend," he said reassuringly. "I'll walk you to your car, missy, so go straight home and get some rest."

I nodded.

Sanosuke walked me to my car, and he gently kissed me goodbye before sitting me in the driver's seat. I smiled absentmindedly at him, and waved goodbye as I backed out of my parking spot.

 _I wish I could fall in love with Sanosuke,_ I thought to myself as I made my way to the exit for the highway.

But my heart remained as cold as ice, and I was not ready to let it beat again.


End file.
